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123.1
First Point
God,
all good and merciful, for a long time and in many ways urged Saint
Augustine to be converted and to change his manner of living radically.
Yet for many years this saint led a very disorderly life. He was not
always resisting grace, but he was not consenting to its movements, and he
was constantly hesitating to follow them. Now he wanted to change, now
again he no longer wanted to change, and he remained for a considerable
length of time in this disturbed state of mind. He himself was surprised
to see himself so indecisive. On one side his disorderly behavior, and on
the other the strong urging of grace, made him shed tears in abundance;
the effect this produced made him still more irresolute and unsettled. As
he himself said, vanities and trifles held him back and prevented him from
giving himself entirely to God.
Is grace not urging you to live according to the perfection proper
to your state? Do you not have from time to time strong inspirations to do
violence to yourself, to practice some significant act of virtue? Do you
not find it difficult to follow these calls? Do you not sometimes even
resist grace?
123.2
Second Point
The
day finally arrived when God, having gradually softened Saint Augustine's
heart, caused him to hear a voice saying to him clearly, Take and read.
Upon opening a book of the Epistles of Saint Paul, he was moved and
converted by the reading of a single passage. It poured into his heart, he
says, like a light that filled it with a deep peace and scattered all the
darkness of his doubts. From that moment he renounced forever all worldly
aspirations, and suddenly found inconceivable joy and pleasure giving up
the pleasures of worldlings and all their vain amusements.
Have you been thoroughly converted to God? Have you renounced the
world entirely? How often has God made you hear an inner voice loud enough
to impress you, but you have not listened to it? Oh! how many persons
consecrated to God there are who have not given themselves entirely to him
and live in laziness and negligence! At least, say with David, today I
wish to begin to belong entirely to God.[i]
123.3 Third Point
So
faithful was Saint Augustine to grace from the instant of his conversion
that thenceforth he made it a point not to follow in any way the movements
of nature. At first he endeavored to give up the pleasures of the senses,
which are the gateways through which sin enters our souls and which
readily soil them, no matter how little our senses have influence over our
souls. That is why Saint Augustine took care to allow his senses only such
use as was necessary for his bodily needs.
Next, he took great care to give up all study prompted by mere
curiosity, and whatever served only to satisfy his mind. He cut himself
off from all that is human and natural, affirming in this way that the
happiness of man consists only in the true joy which is found only in God.
Have you taken the same steps that Saint Augustine used to go to
God, and to put himself in condition to be attached to him alone? Be
convinced that you will not acquire solid piety except by these same
means.
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